How To: Go With the Flow

Life is full of change; it’s one of the only things that’s guaranteed. Accepting and even embracing that change is a form of resilience that can bring long-term happiness. But that’s not easy to do.

It sometimes feels that if we let go of control over our surroundings, if we take our hands off the wheel, we’ll drive off the road. Terrible things will happen.

In fact, the opposite is true. The truth of life is that we have no control over anything outside ourselves. We will constantly encounter events and circumstances that we cannot change. Accepting that reality allows us to move through change, to see the patterns around us and choose the right moments to leap.

Going with the flow doesn’t mean abdicating responsibility or letting yourself be pushed around. It means using inertia. Conserving energy. And choosing your battles.

When you’re able to do this, you can enter the state of flow. Not the “flow state” of productivity gurus but a flow state that allows you to see the right opportunities and create the life you want.

There are practices and techniques you can use to find your flow. Even if you’re not looking for a “flow state,” but just want to be able to deal with change in your life, these practices can help. The steps below will have you on your way.

Accept your lack of control

Without the realization that you cannot control anything but yourself, you will continue to try to control the things and people around you. When you focus on what you can control (yourself), you will be more accommodating toward everything you can't.

Incorporating this realization deeply into your psyche will take time. But you can start with small reminders. Every time you feel the desire to control a situation or others rise up inside you, remember — “I can only control myself.”

Build your base

If going with the flow is all about conserving energy, you need to know what you’re conserving that energy for. Be clear about your values and goals. Decide what is most important to you. Make sure you know what matters, so you can know what doesn't.

Having a strong base allows you to let everything else flow around you; you wait for your moments, and move based on the values you hold dear.

You can think of this like a tall building designed to withstand earthquakes. Its foundation is built deep underground, allowing the part of the building we see to be flexible. The same with a flower or a blade of grass; it may seem to effortlessly wave in the wind, but this ability comes from its strong roots that stand firm.

Set boundaries

This is another part of the firmness that will allow you to be soft. Boundaries are for the people around you — but they are also for you. Protect yourself where you need it most. When you trust yourself to keep you safe from what you most fear, you will feel comfortable in most situations.

The final form of control you have in any situation is to walk away. Know what that point is for yourself.

Practice nonattachment

Letting go doesn’t come naturally to most of us. It’s something that needs to be practiced, over and over again. Through meditation and other techniques, you can learn to let go of attachments to material things, ideas, and even your ego.

Learn specific techniques for nonattachment. Practice them.

Observe patterns

Recognize the patterns around and in you. Realize that you can choose to resonate with any one of them at any moment. Your practice of nonattachment will help you to learn not to react. Instead, watch and wait.

This practice of observing is all about conserving energy. Waiting for the right time to strike. Think of a crocodile observing a bird in the water; if it attacks too early, it may simply scare the bird away. Your time, energy, and effort are the most precious resources you have. Don’t get distracted by reacting to the noise around you. Instead, simply observe until there is something worth reacting to.

Follow your intuition

The decisions you do make should be swift and clear. Put your gut in the driver's seat. When you feel like it's time to make a leap, do it. Trust yourself completely. Let your values guide you.

The strong base you’ve cultivated is key here. When you believe in the truth and the values you hold dear, you empower yourself to make decisions from a place of strength. Know yourself and you will know what to do.

Be kind to yourself

Change can be difficult, even when it's what we want. Even when we know change is inevitable. Allow yourself the space to grieve when you need it. Sometimes, the pattern you need to follow is one of rest and recovery.

Remember again that you only control yourself; and that you can use that power to take care of yourself in any way you need to.